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The Unavoidable Stakeout

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While at the work, I was forced to witness one of the most painfully awkward flirty encounters in the world between two high schoolers. They decided to have this conversation 20 feet from the desk I work behind, so my co-worker Candace and I were treated to the whole thing. Since we have a document open on one of the computers at all times to record amusing events that take place, I wrote down a record of the whole thing, and I’m sharing it here.

“Awkward DTR twenty feet from the desk. Jared (the man supervising the high schoolers currently attending a camp) joins us in quietly laughing at the awkwardness, and provides color commentary. This is probably the most awkward conversation to take place outside of an episode of The Office. The DTR is interrupted by a game taking place around the campers. Smitten Boy is not amused. Melodramatic Giggly Girl is blocked by Chunky Kid. Knee Pinching ensues between the lovebirds (???) Smitten Boy attempts the lame ‘stretch that turns into having an arm around you,’ maneuver, which he aborts when she turns around, resulting in him accidentally slapping her in the head. A few minutes later Smitten Boy and MGG approach the desk and ask for tape to repair a twenty dollar bill SB had somehow torn in half. Candace suggests he just make a ring out of it for MGG. They switch couches and resume the squirm inducing awkwardness.

Like this, only replace any cuteness you might sense with awkward adolescent floundering.

MGG flirtily chews on a straw while SB’s mouth hangs limply open (really). This conversation is just a mish-mash of things they saw people do on TV, only executed poorly and without context. More knee-pinching (still???) and some tickling. Suddenly SB thursts his face into MGG’s for no reason, makes bug-eyes, and returns to normal. I could not invent a weirder conversation. MGG’s mother  (I think) arrives on scene. Suddenly SB is enthralled by the conversation a group of his buddies are having near him, while MGG acts casually indifferent to everything around her. Mom-person leaves and the conversation resumes, only now MGG is obscured by a pillar. Eventually she returns to view and whispers something into SB’s ear (0_o) They play an awkward and painfully flirty game of hid and seek around the pillar. Finally, they walk away and this irritating story concludes.

My face during this conversation. I'd like to thank this baby for modeling it for me.

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